Living Fully

I’m realizing that writing every day probably is too ambitious–but at least I think about it! I spent yesterday morning sitting in bed watching TV. I couldn’t make myself do Pilates or write. Sometimes we just need a catch-up day.

I used to push myself so much that I would sit down at my desk and realize a bill hadn’t been paid on time, or emails hadn’t been responded to. Now, I may miss a phone call or two, but I am much more on top of things than before.

I’ve been saying this over and over: I don’t want to go back to how I used to live. So now I’m going to concentrate on how I would love to live from here on out.

I love working with clients and seeing them transform before my eyes. I love helping people grow their businesses. I love taking care of things for my mom, spending time with my precious grandson, seeing my friends fairly regularly, taking Demartini classes, reading, watching TV (may sound weird, but that is actually research for me, because I watch shows about how people relate to each other), spending time working on my inner self.

When I put all that together, I see it is a full time job, to live the way I love to live.

As I emerge from the anxiety and stress of the last couple of months, I can see that the main effect of going through this most recent crisis is that I am more acutely aware of asking myself whether what I am doing is truly congruent with my life purpose. The tingles and butterflies I feel in my chest and sometimes my gut are signals to pay attention to that. Having let down my guard, allowed myself to be fooled, feeling humiliated to the core–that has all served to remind me to pay attention.

Today I’m thinking that living fully is about doing what I love to do, but being careful to listen to my inner voice, read the signs coming from my body, pay heed to the doubts, and yet continue to be willing to feel humble to the higher order and go with the flow of it.

I’m actually looking forward to that!